My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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