I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
