i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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