I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
