I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
