And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize