you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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