We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
