you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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