For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
