you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
