so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
