we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Semen is not good for contacts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize