so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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