dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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