there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
