omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
