Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
