I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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