Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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