i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
