If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
