It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
