i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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