Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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