I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
