Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
