The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Operation Purity has been aborted
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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