Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
