So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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