If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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