Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
