also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
