Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
