so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how drunk are you?
Several
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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