So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
