they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
