I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
