dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
