HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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