weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
