I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
