sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
