this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
