I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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