is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
