Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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