I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize