how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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