I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
