So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize