Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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