Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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