you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
