Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
