there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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