I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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