My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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