Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
