So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
