I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
