we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Text me some of your sweat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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