he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
