I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
