Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So much rum. So many feels.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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