im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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