grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
