He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
not ubering you a puppy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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