Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
