Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize