what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
