you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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