I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
