Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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