I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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