there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
