He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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