There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
