Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
