drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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