Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
