She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
