I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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